Making a To-Do List for Birth Partners
Writing Down Instructions and Expectations for Labor Support
Aug 18, 2009
Writing a list of tips, tasks and expectations for your husband, partner or birth assistants can prevent anyone feeling under-prepared, overwhelmed or confused about his role in the birth process. While any list will vary considerably from person to person, these guidelines will provide some ideas for things to consider listing. Discuss the list with the person in question well before the birth, adding clarification or extra notes if necessary. Make sure everyone has a copy: if you’re planning on leaving home for the birth, stow extra copies in the bag you plan to take to the hospital.
Tasks to Do During Early Labor
This section covers things a birth partner needs to do fairly early in the proceedings. This could include calling a babysitter to watch older children; setting up the birth pool; ringing relatives or the midwife; cancelling any appointments or informing a workplace of the birth; and collecting any birthing items.
How to Support the Mother During Labor
It can be difficult to predict what a mother will want in terms of physical, emotional and verbal support during labor. Some women find themselves irritated by attentions they expected to enjoy, such as massage; others may find they want less “coaching” than they expected. As such, any birth partners should be aware that suggestions in this section are subject to change! Suggestions may include:
- massage or apply counterpressure during contractions
- reassure the mother she is doing well
- encourage the mother to drink plenty of fluids
- change CDs, light candles and attend to any other “ambience” issues
- update relatives and friends during labor (or take the phone off the hook!)
- remain silent during contractions
- help with hypnobirthing cues
- keep the mother supplied with hot wheatie bags or hot water bottles
- wipe down the mother’s face with cool washcloths when she is hot
Just in Case Scenarios
No mother wants to concentrate unduly on gruesome birth possibilities, but having a Plan B can give women and their partners a sense of security. Consider adding some brief instructions to inform your partner what to do in the case of an emergency. Should he or she stay with the newborn or the mother in the case of postpartum surgery? If the mother is incapacitated, what newborn procedures should the partner accept or decline? If a homebirth turns into a hospital transfer, what should the partner bring along?
Tasks to Do After the Baby is Born
Issues such as who should cut the cord are best decided beforehand. A mother may also want her partner to phone relatives and friends to tell them of the birth – providing a list of phone numbers is useful here – and to accept or decline visits on the mother’s behalf.
The purpose of this list is not to be bossy or micromanage birth partners; it is to prevent anyone present at the birth from feeling useless or not knowing how to support the laboring mother. Often a mother and her partner can work together on creating the list to ensure both parties are on the same page regarding expectations. A similar idea can be used if children are to be present at the birth, although the mother may want to simply discuss the issues rather than presenting a written list.
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